My quest set off sometimes in 2017 when I was having a convo with a friend who would later turn out to be one among a few friends to ever put a mark in my heart.

I will name my son after him. Just like how his father named him after his friend.

It was more than 10 years since I had lost touch with my mama, and just when the thought of her was nowhere close, she was all over my consciousness. Strange.

My convo with that friend (Pseudonym: Tee) was about choices I was supposed to make about my life at the time. I intended to ask for his financial support on a business venture I had in mind, but as I was getting started on pitching, he just cut me short.

The idea of extending his financial hand in the venture didn’t occur to him as convincing, so instead he told me to go back to school. He knew I had dropped out as I was getting close to my sophomore (Bsc I.T).

He knew it was a loan issue that put me out, I mentioned it regardless, and he simply said, “I know.”

He was willing to extend his financial hand in my academic undertaking, but not in any business venture or anything as such.

“I can give you a push in the business, but what if it won’t materialize? Don’t you think it would jeopardize our friendship, and who knows what kind of grudges we would be holding against each other?”

He would further talk about my age as having nothing to do with it, all I had to stick to, was to make sure I attain that degree, and just move on, believing someday everything will be alright.

That was when for the first time I asked myself, “do people like Tee really exist?”

His contribution in my profession is profound.

My mother was still out of the question.

She birthed me yes, and I could tell the challenges from conception to my birth (I could do that after I decided to disconnect).

I know we were one and the same before that.

From breastfeeding, through the ups and downs, up hill and down dale, with all the stress that comes with multitasking, to where I am right now, I still don’t like her.

Fast forward.

During my teens, with all the ability to discern the right from wrong, thanks to her anyways, she started feeding me with all sorts of abstract information that didn’t make some sense, still doesn’t make some sense to most of us, especially in times when money is the only real deal.

Why would anyone care about their existence? Would you mind knowing why you exist? Maybe not all of us. I won’t, unless it’s about knowing God’s purpose in me, again, not to all of us, some don’t believe in God.

Knowledge? Why bother knowing what you know while everything is synchronized? Why would I know who I am? Being here and now is enough for me.

Values? She fed me that too. Well, that’s somewhat cool, but I still don’t like her. I can talk about integrity, hard work, ambition, dependability, getting along with people, and mental health exhaustively, because those are my values. She put that in me. Maybe I like her then, but again, no way.

I could easily tell why I did this or that. That has never been her approach, she would explain why she did this or that, and then she would elaborate it why someone would do that, going even further beyond simplicity to categories such as sex, age, race, ethnicity etc all in pointing to a single stupid action.

“Why did he do that? His age? Where is he from? Why people like him, with his age, sex and ethnicity would do what he did? All these in the quest for why someone wets his bed. She is so speculative that you would think she is insane, I once thought that for real.

Truth is, she has never been practical, yes all she does is to keep analyzing concepts, doing some mental experiments, and well, … she’s just so hypothetical.

From time to time, she noses around people’s beliefs that basically reflect their identities or personalities. I personally don’t like being too obvious about that, though it’s part of my well being especially when I have to understand someone’s personal issues only when necessary, you know, for intervention or therapy reasons.

She is a threat to social engagements.

She once said, ”I believe I was brought to give answers to questions religion fails to answer.”

Imagine that!

“I know you doubt me son, but one day you will understand that,” she exploded after my obvious disregard, “I can tell you why we’re here, why we were born, what is our purpose for being here, or how are we supposed to understand our lives.” She once said that blatantly, and she was referring ‘here' to the universe.

Yeah that’s my mother.

She’s so expressive in forming pictures of reality. How is that possible?

One thing about her, is how she still manages to lure some people. A bunch of her kinfolks, most of her friends, some of mine, some of our neighbors etc… and she has never been to school.

She got some people believe that, we’re the ones behind all that we know about life, and whatever happens is all on us. Well, forget about the ones putting everything, even their personal issues on others.

Others within her following believe in the freedom from emotions. Yes we shouldn’t be driven by material things, and it’s cool to have everything or nothing, as long as one is tranquil. Sometimes she sounds like yeah I am the real deal, and Shilinde (David) is my son.

I still can’t stand most of her opinions.

Do you know what it is to live in harmony with nature? Inaction? Simplicity? Or animals and humans living in balance with the universe?

Some of those who fall for my mother’s speculations hold all that.

Being in harmony with nature sounds cool, but most of us can’t afford gas. To hell with inaction, it's business as usual. And who wants simplicity? Animals? (White men are good at that).

She has influenced people who despise God. Imagine having a mother like her. That’s some sacred business (well, enough). We have people who believe that science is everything and the only way to the truth is through empirical methods. Because of her.

She got me digging and digging until I met Tee (remember the convo?) Who motivated me to further my digging until I came up with so much more to talk about and garner a genuine following out of my community services.

I still don’t like her.

I have been able to know who I am, I can talk about that all day long. I can tell you what cognition or social cognition is, from my own perspective and thoroughly explain what abnormalities are, or disorders I relate too, attitudes, as well as attachment theory.

My flesh and blood made me go through all that.

I had to know who I am because of her. My worries about her had me digging cognition, and social cognition for her ridiculous followers. Thinking maybe she’s insane, I sought abnormalities and disorders I related to (well genetics is real). A part of me made me feel we’re still connected no matter what, so I had to dig attachment theory as well.

I don’t like my mother, partly because of all that, but again she remains my flesh and blood, on top of that she’s THE LOVE OF WISDOM – Philo – Sophia.

I still milk her from time to time, dealing with her following, all of us, is complicated.

I chose to become the study of the soul.

My followers know me as the study of mental processes and behavior.

Enough.

Here is chapter 10 (Nushi) from Spaced-out: https: https://urlshortner.org/Dsaqy

Shilinde x+