What if you knew the exact number of people you’re supposed to be connected with in your social groups?

Imagine saying something like, “I have reached the maximum number of friends, no new ones from now on.”

Or “You know what Jimmy?”

“What.” Jimmy retorts.

“You rolled on me.” You raise a red flag point blank.

“Come on bro, I said I am sorry.” He apologizes again, but you don’t budge an inch.

“I get it Jimmy.” You pause a bit as if that’s the only thing you have to say, then you surprise him like, “a total of 150 people with a snitch excluded is enough for me, just scram.”

How about you? Yes you.

Let’s say you desperately need 200k, and you have your close friends, and without a doubt you know they can do whatever it takes to help you with that, if you check each one of them for a 10k (that’s about 20 close friends), do you think they can really make it happen? Yes by hook or by crook.

Simply put, do they amount to that number?

Let’s lessen it, say you need a 100k, I mean 10k each (that’s 10 closed friends), or 5k each, how about that? Yeah like, the moment you sneeze they’re all over your M-Pesa or a bank account.

Go on, just count them, don’t hesitate, but please! Don’t be surprised if your fingers, toes excluded, exceed their number; that’s right, how many did you count? Two? One? I knew it.

If you know how many contacts you have in your phone, and how important each one is, good for you. If you don’t know, then give it a try, just get the total number without considering their significance (for beginners).

I remember asking one of my friends, well frankly speaking, he is not my friend (I have got two, the other one isn’t him).

Have you ever noticed how we introduce them? There is a huge difference between, “huyu ni mshkaji wangu.” And “huyu ni rafiki yangu.”

So I just asked him about the total number of contacts in his phone book, the frequency of their communication, their significance, and how many close friends, his day ones maybe? His ride or die? His response got me rolling on the floor laughing (in my mind). It’s not that funny.

Almost 200, he barely communicates with at least 10 different people, on the daily basis.

“You're joking right?” That’s what I came up with.

“Real talk.” Then he shot, “how about you?”

“Same here.”

Most of my contacts, when I decided to debug the hell out of my phone book after studying Dunbar's number, had me asking myself, “how did I get this number? Who's, wait! Mwajuma Tandika? Kidawa? Kibibi? Hell no. Fatuma Kimodo? Really? How did I get these?”

I think I am going off course, this is not about contacts or phone numbers as such. Just keep them, you might become the next top mogul, they might be your prospective customers.

This is what it’s about.

We all have family and friends, but tell you what! It was found that, on average our connections are about 150 people.

Think about the people you would invite to an event, maybe a wedding, birthday party etc. or the ones you would turn to if you need anything (the 200k or 100k above, for instance).

I recently attended a listening party (I would be surprised too if I didn’t know what it meant), the inviter is not my close friend, still in my circle, and we have known each other for years. Music.

Well, I don’t know where I am taking you, and how exactly I steer the wheel. Sorry.

But check this out.

There are people we acknowledge as loved ones, others as good friends, yet some as just friends. What about meaningful contacts? Acquaintances?

We also have a group of people we can recognize.

En route to attend that listening party, I met a girl I recognized because I worked with her for a few months. We actually had a brief convo and it was so unemotional;

“You look familiar.” I said after some informal greetings.

“I don’t know you.” She didn’t flinch, and she was staring at me like she was examining an alien.

She was relaxed after I successfully reminded her. She spotted one of my tats.

“Oh yeah I remember you now.” She was looking nice, nobody around could tell she was a scammer. I still work there.” She said it like I had told her I quit the job.

Dunbar's number shows that, the layers I have mentioned (from the loved ones to the people we can recognize) can be divided by 5, and are grouped into 5, 15, 50, 150, 500 and 1500 respectively.

But hey, people change, remember Jimmy? Yes our relationships are fluid, your best friend today can be your worst enemy tomorrow. 

150 remains an average.

History has been able to prove it, for instance in some hunter-gatherer communities, the military divisions, even some companies. They acknowledge it, so they apply it. 

It was also found that, it’s not easy to manage social relationships with individuals beyond 150, as a result they hardly last longer. Same applies to companies, military divisions (as hinted above), as compared to English villages some centuries ago.

Robin Dunbar (hence Dunbar's Number), a British anthropologist, still living and bragging about being the eponymous dude who's alive, accidentally discovered this theory that entails The Rule of 150, when he was studying grooming in primates.

Honestly, I have shared so little, compared to so much that’s out there about Dunbar's number.

Enough.

Shilinde x+