I'm fine.... and other lies we tell. I'm fine.... and other lies we tell.
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It’s a bold title I know.

Borderline annoying.

But that’s because ‘I’m fine’ is a much easier response than actually getting into the candid details of what’s really going on.

Personally, I think there are many reasons as to why we lie; and that is because we have now become accustomed to the new culture of, I share, therefore I am. We put forward the face that we want people to see, and talking about our pain, our struggles, and our mishaps, is something that is not easy for people to do, especially when we’ve put so much of our lies, face front.

We now live side by side with social pressures that make us feel like we need to be fine, all day, every day — and if not, then we at least need to lie about it…

So now, let's talk about Infertility. It is a big lie that people going through Infertility are fine.

Furthermore, it constantly amazes me how, even with all of the information there is about Infertility, we still hold on to this fantasy that you can ask a person how they are doing, and that they will tell you the truth.

But here is the truth…

The truth is, please don’t ask me about it anymore.

The truth is, please do not take it upon yourself to decide that me and my just-married husband are lacking something because we haven’t had a baby yet.

The truth is, my husband and I are a family, with or without a child.

The truth is, whatever brilliant idea you have about me getting children, I’ve probably already thought about it. Maybe even tried it! And failed at it! But no, there’s no “Not pregnant reveal” button on Instagram.

The truth is, it’s not okay to comment on all the weight I have gained from all the stress I keep lying about. And again, no, I am not pregnant. I am trying but it just hasn’t happened for me yet.

The truth is, I don’t really know whether or not I appreciate your baby shower invite. I don’t know. It sounds unkind to say but I do think I’d buy a new dress, get my make up all done, and come. I mean, that’s how we decorate pain... Then I’d smile through the day but be so exhausted after that I would cry myself to sleep. But other than that; I’m fine.

Wait. That’s a lie. It comes so naturally.

Let me say this boldly, and borderline annoyingly, but the truth this time. She nor he, nor I for that matter, are fine.

Those are just the lies we tell.

By Tunu Yongolo

Founder of the Joy Foundation

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Tunu A. Yongolo
Written by

Tunu A. Yongolo

Founder and CEO of the Joy Foundation. If any of you know me (and some do), my guess is you’d describe me as brave. But it's taken a long time to stand and advocate for infertility. So, I'm now putting myself and my story out there, so as to make this issue known and taken with great gravity.

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