Technology, Modern Infidelity and Mental Health

Infidelity…. It has existed ever since the beginning of time, yet there just isn’t getting any used to it. When you discover that your partner has been unfaithful, the pain cuts deep like a sharp knife cutting  through juicy tenderised meat! Back in the day, society tried to control the frequency of acts of infidelity with barbaric punishments and even death. But nowadays with the human rights movement, civilization and liberation, infidelity is slowly turning into the rule rather than the exception for most couples. People want more for themselves and dare I say, even feel entitled to passion and excitement and no longer endure long loveless relationships out of obligation. It’s almost as if for the majority of couples, infidelity comes with the territory  and one simply has to “accept it”. In fact, with social media and technology, it is now easier than ever to become unfaithful, and even easier to drive a significant other to the brink of insanity!

Nowadays, all one has to do is browse through several social media apps and an array of numerous possibilities present themselves like a food junkie passing through a buffet! A kid in a candy store.The choices and possibilities are endless... A potential hook up or destruction of an entire family or years’ worth of a relationship is simply a swipe, DM or friend request away! Temptation lurks everywhere; it’s no wonder these days marriages and relationships barely stand a chance!

But apart from the numerous opportunities for temptation, now more than ever, one is also likely to find themselves in a severe state of depression and anxiety due to the limitless means of awakening our deeply inherent paranoia. The small treasured gadgets we call our phones, can spiral us into a dark abyss of our partner’s betrayal and our humiliation in front of the entire world. Everything you want or do not want to see can all be laid bare in front of that small screen. That small screen my friend, has the power to make a grown man cry! For others, every time they notice a notification on their partner’s phone, it’s like the Chinese torture method is being inflicted and their deepest insecurities are triggered over and over again. Technology has become both our curse and our blessing.

Who’s the girl in the photo he just liked? Why did she respond to his DM? Why won't they give me access to their password? Why on earth are they on Instagram premium? Who’s this person that puts heart emojis on all their posts? Why didn’t they post our picture together? Why DID they post our picture together? Why were they tagged on that photo? Why do they have a private email account called kinkykitty2020@.....? Why do they follow those IG models? Does he want to be with them? Why haven’t they responded to my text yet I see them online? Why haven’t they updated their relationship status on Facebook? Why do they go and hide in the bathroom whenever their phone rings? Who’s the woman they keep sending money to on their mobile account? Why does that man have her pictures? Oh. My. God! The questions are endless! And each question carries within it a volcano of doubt, suspicion and insecurity that is just waiting to erupt into even more questions!

Makes you wonder, is ignorance really bliss? That what we don’t know can’t really hurt us? I’ll leave that for you to decide… But what I do know is that never before has a generation been more confused. So desperate for genuine connection yet looking for it in all the wrong places; wanting to be part of a couple, yet desperately clinging on to freedom, desiring the stability of marriage and committed relationships yet selfish and unwilling to make the sacrifice or compromise…

Ultimately, what does this Pandora’s box opened by technology do? Well…. It wrecks havoc on our mental health! Relationships and infidelity are one of the greatest causes of emotional distress and mental anguish. So what can one do? Is there such a thing as being able to TOTALLY affair proof your marriage or prevent your partner from straying? Probably not; I’m no guru in that arena. But what can one realistically hope for? For starters, talk. You must at least be with someone that you can be completely truthful with, genuinely talk to and feel comfortable to address your fears in a healthy manner and negotiate. The rest is not in your hands… The only power you have, is the power over yourself and the action you will decide to take in a particular situation. So in the mean time, rest, work on your hustle, preserve your mental health and stop playing detective. After all, technology has a canny way of delivering all the information you need when you least expect it! Cheers!

By Hilda Tizeba

Guided Path Tanzania