Scramble for my Mind Scramble for my Mind
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“Hello my name is Fear”. “Hello Fear, you look very familiar, where do I know you from, I can’t seem to remember”. “Sweet summer child, you do not remember me? We have met on more than one, actually on several occasions. Remember when you almost started that small business, I was the one who knocked some sense into your head and laid out all the things that may go wrong, I see you took my advice, smart.

And when you did stay at the job you hated because it was familiar and gave you some sense of security (my advice). Remember the feeling you had each time you were given a project you had never done before? Remember the lump in your throat when answers where required of you that you did not have? Remember the tremble in your hands as you wrote the apology email after making a mistake? Yup, that was me.

I never left you alone when you got home, I was the voice that reminded you of your lack of purpose, how you had no idea why you were created or what mark you would leave on this earth. Remember we stayed up all night picturing what it would be like if you left the world as an apple and not an apple tree? Just so you know, I am deeply offended that you do not remember or recognize me, after all the time we spent together and all these memories we shared, and yet I remember your potential analogy.”

Potential Analogy: An apple contains between 4-10 seeds. Although farmers would prefer grafting, with the right conditions an apple seed can produce a tree with approximately 300 apples=1,500 seeds (assuming 5 seeds per apple), and those seeds can in turn produce even more trees and seeds. Therefore this brings us to a perception decision, that is, one can view an apple as just an apple or as a bunch of apple trees. Always remember that though you can easily count the seeds in an apple; it is impossible to count the apples in a seed.

Just as I opened my mouth to respond to Fear... “Fear she does not know you, leave her alone, I am sure I am more memorable than you are, hello dear my name is Regret”. “ Regret, Regret, again you sound and look very familiar but I just do not remember you”.

“Child, do not get me started, you are telling me that you do not remember the voice that kept reminding you of your mistakes, you know, the ones you tried so hard to forget? I held on to them for you in case you needed a reminder, and sometimes you didn’t but because I care about you, I reminded you anyway.

But it is not only memories of what you did wrong, I took the liberty of reminding you of the opportunities you missed, the decisions you did not make, the apologies you did not give, the people you didn't walk away from, I cannot believe that you do not remember me. Or maybe you are confusing me with sadness, I hope you are not, but I would understand why you would since we do hang out together a lot but…”

“Regret, please do not misrepresent me, I mean it is bad enough that I cannot spend time with her unless one of you is present. I always have to ride along with you, or Fear, or Loneliness. Why can’t you just spend time with me alone without the others? But you know what, I guess that is what makes me important, because without me, these others cannot make an impact, they need me for their full effect; so unlike the others I will not be offended if you do not remember me, as I am an afterthought, after the others, I…..”

“Stop talking! I cannot listen any longer. I remember why I don’t remember you. It’s because I made some new friends that made it impossible to recognize you. You know, Happiness; although it took time for me to understand that I can find her on my own without anyone’s help, I finally did. She explained to me that all I had to do was decide to have her, to choose her over all of you and I would have some Peace.

Another one of my friends, now she is the reason why I do not remember the lump in my throat or the tremble in my hand because she is always there to keep me calm, she helps me remember that as long as I let her in, my mind will perform at an optimal level, free from the stress that you three left behind. Peace and happiness, never come alone, they always bring along joy, and they are the reason I remember you no more. Thank you for stopping by, it has not been pleasure, please move along, you are no longer welcome here.”

I have learnt that emotions are stimuli, they are messages, almost like voices trying to get your attention. Your state of well being will depend how you respond to them. Isn't it amazing that the most precious gifts in life money cannot buy, therefore they are accessible to everyone who would dare go after them.

Contrary to what most believe, happiness is a choice, you can choose to be happy regardless of what is going on around you. I am not saying you should never be sad, of course they are instances that require sadness, the death of a loved one, loss, goodbyes, etc; but do not let it linger and overstay its welcome. Take control of your emotions, decide and choose what comes in, what can stay and what is not welcome. 

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Lightness Mtaita
Written by

Lightness Mtaita

Writing is a subtle passion of mine. I like putting thoughts together, either in writing or in speech. I like to think of myself as fun, vibrant, passionate and happy always.

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