It has been a while since I wrote about something personal on this platform, but this one is necessary. 5 years ago, I wrote an article about my dad, how awesome he is, and as I read it this morning, it broke my heart because he passed away on the 8th of March of this year. No words can describe the pain that comes with losing a father, especially one who was so present and made it his mission to embody the role oh so well. He was not only a father to me, but to so many people; it is humbling to receive numerous messages from his students over the years, sharing their "Mr Mtaita" stories with me. Of special mention is a student who actually named his children after my sister and I because of the impact my father had on his life, this was a way of saying thank you to him indirectly.

My father loved us so much, that we never had room to doubt it ever. Losing him has been extremely painful especially because I never got a chance to say goodbye (he died in a car accident), it was so sudden, and only God could have prepared me for such an ordeal, and He did. The memories are numerous, but you always wish there were more, and now thinking back at them is difficult because they are always accompanied with tears and the gripping reality that he is not here anymore.

I have learnt in this time to separate what matters from what can wait; focus on what matters, and what can wait can wait. My father's legacy lives on in so many people because of how kind and loving he was to his community, and it is this community that truly stood with us throughout, from time of death to time of burial and even now. This is testament to the lives that my dad impacted over the years, and even in his death, we are reaping the rewards of his kindness. This is bittersweet because on one hand, it is great that he touched lives, but on the other hand, we get to experience the rewards and not him. I wish he was here, I wish I could get just one more conversation with him, but it isn't possible, and so I am on a journey to acceptance. Accepting death is not easy because, in our minds, one is alive for longer than they are dead, so coming to this realization is difficult after having him in my life for over 30 years.

Lastly, I know sometimes people don't know what to say to grieving people, but if you have nothing encouraging to say then just don't say anything except, "I am sorry for your loss". I have had people say so many inappropriate statements such as "why did dad not have a driver?" or my favorite "don't cry, be strong", my dad just died, when else would be an appropriate time to cry? I understand that people do not mean to offend, we just do not know what to say, it is a hard reality to address, so I do not take offense at all. People should be allowed to mourn as they see fit, there is no formula that is a one size fits all for mourning. In light of encouraging words, someone sent me this beautiful poem that brought tears to my eyes because I think it is exactly what my father would say. I will share it here and hope that it helps you too whenever you experience loss.

When I die give what’s left of me away to children and old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry, cry for your brother walking the street beside you.

And when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give me.

I want to leave you something, something better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people I’ve known or loved, and if you cannot give me away, at least let me live in your eyes and not your mind.

You can love me best by letting hands touch hands, and by letting go of children that need to be free.

Love doesn’t die, people do. So, when all that’s left of me is love, give me away.